The situation was desperate.
A certain blog writer, Holly Wolfe, refused to get anything done. She would play with family members, go on a shopping trip, even sit and squeal over the Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood DVD collection that she received as a Christmas and birthday present for hours on end.
True, she was on her Thanksgiving break, but I ask you this: if I can save a land multiple times without a vacation, can an airheaded blogger such as she at least update when she is supposed to? I think the answer to that is obvious.
In order to force her into more productive activities, my comrades and I decided to take action.
On November 24, we kidnapped Holly Wolfe’s laptop.
This move was rather extreme, but it was the plan that was the most likely to succeed.
Holly has some big end-of-semester deadlines approaching, not to mention final exams in three weeks. If she were to lose the means to accomplish her projects, we theorized, she would have no choice but to break down and comply with our demands.
Our reasoning was flawless. However, we ran into an unforeseen problem.
Laptops are freaking hard to move when you’re only a few inches tall.
We quickly developed Plan B: Occupy Laptop.
We were there strictly on official business, mind, but that isn’t to say that it wasn’t a pleasant time. The Pikmin scavenged for leftovers in order to serve a belated Thanksgiving dinner. Kirby, always the cheerful one, tried to get Samus to smile. I
looted Holly’s desk for loose change scouted the area for more information, all the while mulling over whether the article of clothing the AR Box was wearing was a pair of sunglasses or a bra. Mario stared into space the whole time, occasionally pointing to something in the sky and giggling. If I said it wasn’t fun, I would be lying.
Unfortunately, that happy time did not last long.
A day passed without any significant results, and Samus, who was the unofficial second-in-command like I was the unofficial leader, started voicing doubts about our plan. This quickly escalated into a heated argument, and it only got worse when Mario pulled a Navi and flew away.
While Mario is far from being the genius of our group, he generally serves as a mediator in the arguments that Samus and I have regularly. Without him there, there was no one to stop us from going for our weapons.
Had our battle persisted for too long, there could have been dire consequences. The only thing that stopped us from ripping each other limb from limb was perhaps the most ridiculous Deus Ex Machina of all time: a rampaging, Super Mushroom-fueled AR Box.
Samus and I called a temporary truce, and we shook Kirby out of his turkey coma. It took all we had to stop the AR Box from trampling the Pikmin and causing mass destruction. By the time we restrained the AR Box and shrank it to its normal size, our tempers were stretched even thinner than they had been before.
The cherry on top of this chaotic mess? Mario returned after it was all over and informed us that Holly had been taking pictures of us with her 3DS.
Our unleashed wrath left her with a bruised ankle and a sprained pinky, but she easily took her laptop back. A disheartening end result to be sure. However, Holly gave us her word that she was always thinking about her blog and art projects. As an apology for all the stress she put us through, she even let me write this blog entry.
Later, we all came to the same conclusion: we needed to do things like this more often.
In case you couldn’t tell, I was in the mood for a silly post today. …Well, to be specific, I was in the mood for a silly post that could allow me to gush about my Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood DVDs and showcase my goofy 3DS photos. And why not? ‘Tis the season for light-hearted things!
I’ll try to keep whatever posts I make for December cheerful and/or Christmas-themed. It should be fun.
Oh, and one of my roommates told me to tell you that she is awesome. Which she is.
Metroid, The Legend of Zelda, Pikmin, Super Mario Bros., & Kirby © Nintendo